Thursday, July 23, 2009


Taking The First Step, Part 5
by Nikki Hahn
Taking the First Step is a series about how a person deals with trauma and grief in their lives. My husband has been a great emotional and spiritual support throughout this process. It's been two years and the healing is slow but steady. I am very lucky to have him in my life.

A scale can feel pretty discouraging. Although I do feel good about how far I have come in my weight loss, there is a weight that I cannot move past. I walk more, eat better, and have a better attitude about things and all of this I blame on God. In spite of my weariness from Crohns, I continue to strive for good health. I strive for good health for my husband and myself.

In March, the doctor’s office had a hard time reading my blood pressure. They took it three times. It is no wonder they thought it a little high. It happens when trauma re-enters your life. I was grateful for the love and support of my husband and family during this time. Sometimes, things happen in your life in which you have no control. This is where I should have trusted God with these things. With a crystal clear direction now in my life, I take each day and each step from that difficult period with confidence and trust.

Crohns is not an easy disease. It is not as bad as some with Crohns and there are certainly worse diseases out there. I am grateful to have Crohns and not anything worse. With Crohns I can still live a healthy life. I watch my diet most times, exercise 1-3 times a week on average, and eat more fruit and veggies now. My life is active, but it does have side effects like fatigue which occasionally slows me down. Recently, I had to get treated for a skin infection. A year ago I had to go the eye doctor’s office because my eyes were swelling. These are just little things compared to the things I hear from other people.

Paul went through his life with a “thorn in his side.” He asked God to remove the thorn, but God didn’t remove it. My thorn in the side is this disease. I can complain about it, sulk about it, or maybe just give up, but I can’t and won’t give up on this life in which God has blessed me. I figure I must be doing something right with all the mountains and hills in my path. Someone once said if the going is easy, you must be going the way of the devil. Since the going has been hard these past two years, I suppose I’m doing everything right in my life.

In spite of the thorn in my side, God has blessed us. We have a good marriage, good jobs and we are surrounded by wise people. Disease or no disease, preferred weight or no, God loves me. You can be a child of God, too. All you have to do is ask!

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